Joy, Sadness, Joy...

JOY!!!
This is my JOY!! Is he the cutest thing you have ever seen or what?? It snowed today and actually stayed around long enough for Josh to get a few pics of Beckham playing in the what could possibly the only snow he sees at his own house ever! He had fun. He is sick right now, so Josh stayed home and played Mr. Mom today. (Thanks, Josh!) I just love his little face! It brings a smile to face and to my heart every time I see him. I never could have imagined that being a mommy could be SO fulfilling, but everyday gets better. I love to see him play with toys and learn new things. I love to have him sit in my lap and let me sing songs to him. I love to hear him breathe on the monitor at night. I just LOVE him!! JOY....

SADNESS...
Since my last post, we have had some not so fun things going on. Most of the 4 people who actually read this blog know, but in case there's a new reader, here's the story. In December Josh and I found out that we were pregnant. Very surprised and very excited, we went to the Dr. at 6 weeks for our first visit and sonogram. We could tell very quickly something was not right on the sono. There was no baby where a baby should have been, only an empty space. The miscarriage followed shortly. It was hard, but the Lord provided good distraction with Christmas and Beckham's first birthday. Well, about 5 weeks later, SURPRISE, we find out we are pregnant again. Excited, but very nervous, I began going in for blood work immediately. The 2nd round of blood work looked a little suspicious, so they put me on some medicine and moved up my sonogram appt. Again we could tell something wasn't right. Where a little flicker of a heartbeat should have been, nothing. It also looked "abnormal." So last Tuesday I had a surgery to "take care of" the pregnancy. This time, my heart was truly broken. No distractions, no baby, just gone. Even though I had justified in my mind that there was no life inside my tummy, my body still felt pregnant until the surgery. Everyday I woke up with morning sickness, everyday I felt the fatigue of the first trimester. Everyday I was reminded that there should be a baby where there wasn't one, and then...gone. I don't think I have felt such deep sorrow in my life. And then to add to that, the Dr. said there was a chance that it could be a MOLAR PREGNANCY. (you can Google if you really want to know) Ultimately what that would mean is waiting 6 months to a year to try to get pregnant again. Well, as I told the LORD repeatedly, that is just not in my time frame. So for the last 2 weeks, it's been pretty depressing.

JOY...
Today I got the pathology results back from my surgery. The preliminary report says everything looks NORMAL!! Now I know that a miscarriage isn't "normal" but it wasn't a MOLAR PREGNANCY, and that is the main thing. I go back to the Dr. in a couple of weeks and I will know more about what that means for future pregnancies, but I am praying that this chapter is closed and I will never have to deal with another miscarriage again. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us. You have prayed the words I have not been able to pray, and for that I am so grateful.