Sorry...

I have struggled whether or not to post today. Being so many of my posts have been sad lately, I didn't want to be a big bummer again. But my heart is just too heavy not to get some feelings down. SO here's your chance to exit out of here and just skip this post all together.

Saturday I came home from Maggie's birthday party to read that Ethan Powell had passed away. I had been reading for several days about his declining situation, so in my brain, I was not shocked by the news, but in my spirit, I truly believed that the LORD would honor the amazing faith of Ethan's parents, Ben and Becky, and grant them the miracle they so faithfully prayed for for so many months. And He didn't. At least not here in the flesh on this earth. Again, in some way I can rationalize the precious blessing that Ethan is whole and in Heaven with the Creator and that is ultimately where we all long to be...someday. But I still don't get, and probably never will, why He allows things like cancer in a 2 months old baby to happen in the first place!

Ethan's story caught me immediately the day I heard about him, and for months I have read daily about his progress and setbacks. I guess it touched me so much because Ethan and Beckham are only 24 days apart in age. I would read about this courageous family and be in awe of their faith. I was amazed at how the word spread like wildfire about Ethan and couldn't wrap my brain around how many prayers were being sent to the Father for him. Bone marrow drives were set up in honor of Ethan all over, in hopes that there would be a match for him. There was never a match for Ethan, but I think about how many lives may be saved because of Ethan in the future because there are so many new donors. The faith the Powells displayed thru such a horrible situation, I believe, could be compared to Job. Never, not once, did they show a wavering in their faith. And even since Ethan has passed, they have given glory to the LORD and His sovereignty. I am not sure I could have been as strong and unwavering as they have been.

I guess we all have those times and things in our lives that just hit us, and for whatever reason, change us a little. Ethan has done that for me. I am now a bone marrow donor. I pray that I get a phone call some day and I am able to donate. I will proudly say that's it's because of a little boy named Ethan. I see my son differently today than I did 3 days ago. Those times when I would tend to get frustrated, I remember that Ben and Becky won't experience that today, or ever. When I am selfish and tired and don't feel like doing the simplest of things like giving Beckham a bath because I am too lazy, I remember that Ben and Becky would give anything to give Ethan a bath tonight. Confession time...I love my son, more than anything, I love my son. But lately I have allowed myself to be selfish, lazy and put myself ahead of him at times. Now of course he's fed and bathed and all the basics, but I don't always WANT to do some of those things. I don't want to read him another book. I don't want to watch "MickeyMouse Clubhouse", I...I...I.... Well, no more. I will treasure everyday and every moment. It will no longer be about me, but about that precious, wonderful, sweet, rambunctious, little red-head that God has entrusted to me.

In the post on Ethan's website tonight, Ben says that Ethan lived up to his name: Ethan Isaiah
Ethan=mighty warrior/Isaiah=messenger of GOD. I couldn't agree more. Please continue to pray for the Powell family. On the website, if you feel led, there is fund established at their home church in Louisiana. I can't even begin to imagine picking up life at home after 14 months of being away, but I am sure there are some financial obstacles that may arise. And the Powells are also asking for continued prayers for Ethan's friends still at St. Jude. Ben always closes his posts: BeLIeVe...PRAYER WORKS!! The little "e's" are in honor of Ethan.

(Thank you if you are still reading this, for allowing me to vent!)